When learning to flirt, there are several basics that can put you light years ahead of most. In the last article, I wrote about the importance of turn taking. In this one, I'll write about the actual nature of the content that you talk about.
There are rules that you'll need to know. And as it were, most men don't know them! Knowing them is important, as you'll avoid much a lot of pain that goes into failed flirting.
It's not so much the content of what you are saying, but rather the delivery and it's tone. For example if you drone on negatively about a certain subject, you are bound to eventually drive someone off.
It's a simple mistake, and understandable. We live in a culture that celebrates cynicism to an extent, so people tend to embrace it. Overall, a little goes a long way though. Avoid that in your conversations, as you'll bore her and she'll get fed up with you.
Other ways to make a conversation boring are as follows:
Preoccupation with yourself. If you talk about yourself constantly, and show no interest in others (particularly her!), you are definitely going to have a short run.
Superficiality - talking only about the banal, telling hackneyed jokes or stories. This reeks of shallowness, just like the stories.
Being tedious - Talking too slowly, pausing too long, and taking too long to make a point. This is common, as people try to appear calm and smooth in their interactions. Remember, there is always a balance.
Too passive - just refusing to take part and leaving the conversation on the other person.
Lacking in enthusiasm or interest - this would include being monotone, showing no emotion, and refusing to make eye contact. This will quickly ruin your chances.
Being too serious or somber - There are times you NEED to be serious, but you need to be able to shake that off and clown around sometimes. If you don't do it, your conversation might abruptly end.
Too excited - you jump all over the place in the conversation, get sidetracked from the original point too easily. This will drive the other person nuts, and it's generally a good idea to learn to reign this in.
So what IS a good thing to say? Aside from avoiding the above issues, there are a few things you can do. The first is to keep on the topic, and allow for turn taking. The second is to do your part in gauging the conversation, keep a positive attitude, and make it fun! Being fun is a huge part, and you can talk about almost anything!
Another thing to look at - compliments. They can be good, and are usually most welcome. However, you CAN go overboard. If you do, the situation is recoverable though.
If you do pay a compliment, be cautious of the nature of it. You can convey attraction without having to resort to vulgar or intrusive compliments. If you know the person, you can judge it better, but be aware of this issue.
Keeping it simple, and saying something such as "You look gorgeous", can go a long way. Going further than this can cause offense or embarrassment. While that is not always the case, it's a gambit that might not work out. Make sure to look her in the eyes while doing this - looking anywhere else could be potentially bad.
As well, while commenting on a woman's appearance, remember that there is a time and place for everything. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is the timing your compliments poorly, as well as an other flirtatious overture.
Always be aware of the flirtatious overtures you are making. Sometimes it is obvious - you'd want to avoid saying something to someone who just lost a loved one, for example. But there are other times, when it's not so obvious.
A good rule of thumb is to think about it in neutral terms. In other words, would you compliment a man in the situation? Would it seem appropriate? The same would apply if it was a woman. Keep it within those boundaries, and you'll do fine.
While compliments are just a small part, they are important, and when used right will propel the attraction, instead of destroying it.
Pay attention to yourself during a conversation. Take notes too, if you can. Look for the rules mentioned above, and make sure to correct yourself after it happens. Eventually you'll smooth things out.
Coming up soon, I'll show you how listening is another important part of your conversational skills,
