onsdag den 3. juni 2009

dealing with your love?

One of the most widely accepted misconception about people is that we are creature of logic. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Dale Carnegie said it best when he said, "When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity."
It is a fact that we have to treat most people as if they were petulant three years old toddlers. When dealing with people, kid gloves are the order of the day. But that's not all. Not only do we have to wear kid gloves but is has to be done in a way that will not appear to be condescending. A rather tall order.
This delicate approach is best accomplished by using the you-you attitude. That is, the person that we are addressing has to be given the number one priority. That person has to be the central pivot of the of the interaction. It has to be done in a way that the major and most important player in the communication is the person we are communicating with.
The reason that is has to be done that way is that we have all the control over our own actions but we have very little control over others. We can adapt to the situation but it is next to impossible to control someone else's behavior.
There are times when we must disagree with others. It can be done and it can be done effectively so long as we start by agreeing with some part of the other person's views. That is an essential element if we do not want our interlocutor to go on the defensive and start justifying his position.
Someone said, "A world without euphemism would be a barbaric one." If we want to get along with people harmoniously, sometimes the truth has to be slightly colored. This by no way implies that a person should lie but tact and diplomacy never hurt anyone and has saved many situations.
Above all, we should never fall into the trap set by someone who claims that he wants the "honest truth." That person feels to be on safe ground and is ready an eager for a spirited debate. The ideal way to deal with this situation is to agree to tell the truth but then proceed with caution. That person does not want the truth. That person wants to hear what he or she wants to hear.
There are also times when we have to reprimand someone. It can be done without creating any ill will by using the sandwich method. That is, the reprimand has to be sandwiched between two "slices" of compliments. First, we give a compliment, then we formulate the reprimand and close the conversation with another compliment. The admonition will be just as effective and no resentment will be created.
When dealing with people it must always be kept in mind that the least offense can create a scar that will last for a lifetime. Decades down the line, people may have forgotten almost everything about you but they will not have forgotten the hurt that you may have caused them. Such is human nature.
It must always be kept in mind that, the stronger the person, the more giving that person will be and the weaker a person is, the more demanding that person will be. The secret in dealing with people is to take the strong person's stance. The strong person can meet the weaker one at his level without feeling diminished in the process. That's a luxury that a weaker person cannot afford.

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